That time the kids needed taught…

I love working at a preschool. Getting to know these little people and what makes them special is my favorite part. They come to us, sometimes crying, unsure of us and each other. They are nervous to be away from their parents, they are anxious to see what “school” is and before we know it, they are growing and changing. By Christmas we have special handshakes and inside jokes. I know all about sleepovers at Gigi’s when mom and dad go to the movies and Joey’s vacation to Disney is in ONLY 134 days and I’m happy to say I can always give at least 2 or 3 little known facts on each child from favorite foods, to which movies scare them and what they want to be when they grow up. I make special pictures with children because they miss their dad who is away on business. I sneak an extra sticker to the little girl who is confused why her mom is always with grandma at the hospital. I create a one of a kind certificates for the little boy who is terrified to go to the dentist. Preschool is an especially endearing age to me.

Parents often ask me about the transition to kindergarten. I know what is on the “test” for our district and usually give a broad explanation of the abilities that will most benefit their child as they enter that new phase. But truthfully, one of the most important skills we can offer our children does not require scissors, crayons or a monthly online subscription – resilience.

I am guilty of investing in flashcards, workbooks and loads of printables to help move the academic success of my children along. But in the last year, it has dawned on me through various conversations that people are often taken back by resilience. The “I don’t know how you do it”, or the “I can’t imagine how you’re still moving forward”. And most the time I answer as honestly as possible by saying, “You don’t have another choice”. We need to remember that it is okay, and even beneficial, for our children to see us struggle and overcome. Crying in front of your children not only stirs empathy, but they also understand that sadness and heartbreak don’t last forever. It’s okay to tell them about hard days, sad days, and disappointments, and show them that you are still strong and happy, even if it takes time. Letting your children know that just because things don’t go their way, it doesn’t change who they are or what they are capable of. Stress how important it is to just try, and attempt and that it’s okay to be sad and miss things and people because that means they had something really special. Show your children that sometimes it’s important to be brave and try things even if they don’t get the result they wanted. And please, let them know that their worth, and your love for them, has no relation to their defeats. Were they the last out at baseball and the team lost? There’s nothing wrong with THEM. It happens to professional players who have played much longer than them and all they can do is practice and try again.

I’m not a true fan of the “oh you’re fine” group when a child falls or has a ball taken from them. I do the “tag up” and point out how I can tell that they are okay. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but their feelings in that moment are valid and that needs to be known. Once they are up and playing again, point out to them how great they are doing even though they had that small struggle. Resilience. Is it okay to be disappointed and sad that we can’t be in large groups and have parties and travel? Yes. Absolutely. This is the perfect example for your children. Although you may have negative feelings and wish things were different, acknowledge that it’s okay to be sad, but it’s also important to look forward to the future and stay hopeful. Resilience isn’t pretending everything will be okay, it’s saying that YOU will be okay, regardless of circumstances.

So yes, to be ready for kindergarten, I think little ones need to draw the basic shapes, identify letters, and know their personal information among other important skills. But when you aren’t there, and they aren’t picked first, or their best friend that week no longer wants to play with them, please teach them that although they are sad and those things are unfortunate and hurt our hearts, that they will have many other friends and their happiness doesn’t depend on others. Resilience is a skill, not a quality, and it is one that will serve them long after they have memorized their birth date.