That time I had a blog

I have literally put off starting my blog for years. That is an actual fact. I have owned the domain and had a makeshift version of the site for several years. I would get waves of determination and declare that this, THIS was the year I was going to do it. My friends would beg me to start. My family would often say, “This would be great for you to write about”, in hopes of nudging me along. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Because life just kept happening. I had a baby and then I lost my mom. Then I quit my job and moved 400 miles back to Pennsylvania. And that was just one year. Then another angel baby came along, then another blessing in a blanket not long after. Then work, preschool, kids’ activities, keeping up with a house and trying to maintain precious friendships. I didn’t have to look very hard for excuses to not start writing. Life just kept happening.
They say to write about what you know. The thing I know the best is my life. My world and my experiences for the last 34 (today!) years. I am extremely thankful for my life and though days I drag myself to bed and wonder if anything good came of those 24 hours, it is only mine. I’m hoping individuals can relate to some of these posts and realize they are not alone whether it be in marriage, parenting, friendships, career and all the other aspects of our lives that make us who we are.
My mother would have been 67 today on our shared birthday. She has been in a better place for nearly six years now. Some days I can picture it all perfectly. Letting her go, the funeral, the void in my heart that I have come to accept, for only the fact that another option does not exist. Other days, the sound of her voice is not as clear in my head as it once was. My body physically aches on occasion from the overwhelming desire to have another minute, second or glimpse. Everything she did was for our family. Even with her college degree, she worked mostly retail in order to be there for us. For baseball, softball, basketball, dance, art shows, band, whatever the flavor of the week was for any of her four children. She was our biggest cheerleader, advocate and soulmate. Long before cancer forced her to be a hero to others, she already was to us. She finally began writing professionally as I neared middle school. In her time writing for the local newspaper she won every award in the state and some more than once. She spent so many years going and going for others, mainly my three siblings, myself and father. She had dreams, but all paled in comparison to supporting us; to being that smiling face in the back of the auditorium wiping away tears and nodding along to give you that silent affirmation that only the two of you knew was needed. She was there no matter the outcome and it was never doubted or properly appreciated.
I have aspired since childhood to be a writer even before I knew of her talents and because life kept happening I didn’t give it my all. I want to honor my mother by not waiting. She would tell us we could do anything and it was based on her actual belief that it was true. The world can be darker without her to easily light the correct path with her intuition. If she were here, she would no doubt quote The Wizard of Oz and say, “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn for yourself”.
Now I’m the adult and this is my auditorium and I’m giving myself the nod. You don’t have to choose just one dream. You can have the dreams even while life keeps happening.